As a therapist trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), I’ve had the privilege of working with couples at different stages of their relationships. In both my role as a therapist and in my personal experience, I have witnessed how the various phases of life, from falling in love, to committed partnership, children, career changes, or even retirement, can shape the dynamics of a relationship. Often, couples feel as though they are alone in the struggles they face as they move through some of these phases. One thing I emphasize with my clients is that these challenges are not only common, but entirely normal.
Life Transitions Can Challenge and Strenghten Relationships
Life is full of transitions, and each phase brings its own joys and stressors. At the beginning of a relationship, there is often a tremendous amount of excitement as you experience "chemistry" with a new partner. This feeling is actually rooted in science. Our brain produces higher levels of dopamine and other bonding chemicals when we fall in love, creating feelings of excitement and pleasure. But as the relationship progresses and life’s demands increase, these chemical reactions naturally level off and some of those intense feelings begin to dissipate. Whether it’s parenting, career pressures, aging, or anything else, it’s common for life changes to impact emotional and physical intimacy. Miscommunications happen more easily, and couples may start to feel disconnected.
The important thing to remember is that these feelings of disconnection don’t mean your relationship is destined for failure. They simply highlight the universal challenges of relationships and provide an pportunity to reestablish connection . If you’re feeling frustrated or distant in your relationship, know this feeling is common . Most couples will experience this, especially when life changes dramatically, such as with a new child, career, relocation or when experiencing "empty nest" syndrome.
Reconnecting With Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
This is where Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can make a big impact. EFT focuses on helping couples identify the negative patterns they fall into during times of stress. In therapy, we work together to understand the deeper emotions driving those patterns—fear of rejection, feeling unseen, or struggling to connect.
One of the most impactful moments in therapy is when couples realize they’re not the problem. It’s the emotional "dance" they’ve been caught in. Oftentimes, this dance is caused by each partner's attachment history, and how it is showing up in their current relationship. As an EFT therapist, I help clients identify and understand this about themselves and each other. With this new information, couples often stop blaming one another and start working as a team to create a loving and supportive bond. EFT gives couples tools to express their deeper emotions and desires in a way that creates closeness rather than conflict.
Relationship Challenges Are Normal
One of the most important things I share with my clients is that relationship struggles are normal. These times of stress, disconnection or difficulty are not necessarily a sign that something is “wrong” with your relationship. They are part of the ebb and flow of life. As a couples therapist, I often see these challenges as pivotal opportunities for growth and deeper connection.
What really matters is how you handle these moments. Seeking support, whether it’s through therapy or learning new communication skills, can make all the difference. The key is to nurture the emotional connection that already exists between you and your partner, while learning to change together to meet the dynamics of the new life stage you are in. One article I love to share with my clients is this one, by Esther Perel, which discusses the importance of adaptability in long-term relationships. Relationships evolve just as we do, and with that evolution comes the need for new skills and deeper understanding.
Taking the Next Step
If you’re feeling stuck, frustrated, or a loss of connection with your partner, consider therapy as a way forward. Working with a therapist trained in EFT can help you identify some of the patterns that are contributing to these challenges, help you get unstuck and strengthen the emotional bond that can carry you through the ups and downs of life going forward.
Remember, you’re not alone in these struggles, and there is a way to move through them together. As a matter of fact, these challenges can be a tremendous opportunity for growth. If you’re ready to begin couples therapy and work towards a deeper, more meaningful connection with your partner, I invite you to reach out. Together, we can navigate the challenges and help you build the strong, secure bond you deserve.
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